It’s my birthday!
Just thought I’d let you all know since you are my loves. If you live in the DC area I encourage you to come out to Busboys and Poets 5th & K tonight at 9pm. I’ll be performing (With pink balloons!) and it’d make me super happy if you guys came out! It’ll be fun! And my super lovely friend and a poet I greatly admire Jonathan B Tucker will be hosting. Come join us and wish me a happy birthday. You can purchase tickets here (They’re only 6 dollars!) https://www.eventbrite.com/e/open-mic-5th-k-april-16-2014-hosted-by-jonathan-b-tucker-featuring-mcpherson-time-tickets-11033231693?aff=rss
All the best,
he says when he's around me he feels happiness that is beyond comprehension, and feels free like i make him alive. i ask him why does he love me, and he gives me the same response. you see - i don't understand, he could just possibly be in love with the feeling i enable him to feel. i always worry he doesn't love ME for who i really am. just what i make him feel. is this true love or superficial?
I think you’re overthinking it…
If you make him happy, if you make him feel alive that’s a great reason to be in love with someone. You do those things to him by being you. He’s not in love with those feelings, He’s in love with you and because of that he feels those things.
if he asked you, "why do you love me" how would you have responded, when you were still in a relationship with him?
I would have responded, “Because you make me feel real. Because you make me feel not as crazy as I think I am. Because when you hold me in your arms I feel whole. I love you because when I’m with you I feel like I have finally found the place where I belong.”
I looked at him sleeping on the bed, and I smile with amazements. He is peacefully sleeping, snoring the night away. I sometimes wish that I could enter his brain and see myself the way in which he views me. I want to know his thoughts. I want to know his thoughts about me; his thoughts about us; his thoughts about our future.
As I sit there admiring and adoring him, I enter a moment of solitude as pensive thoughts emerges in my mind. I can’t believe that it two years and more that I’ve entered his life. (I should tell you that two years is long for me, since I am easily bored of others) Moreover, as these thoughts flow like a riverbed into my mind I find myself wanting to have a long lasting relationship with him. I want to become his permanent partner. I want to be the one that bears his children. I want to be his wife. I just want to be his forever.
I have shared these many sentiments with my friends. I told a friend that, “I want to go more than two years with him. I want to be the only girl that he says he actually loved. I want to be the one that brings out his vulnerable side.” I really do mean this and whenever I realised that things, arguments that is, are going to get messy with him, I try to find ways to quell our disagreements, our misunderstandings because I want to be his forever. It seems to be that I am having a teenage love affair even though I am no longer a teen. I wonder if he knows that whenever I glanced at him sleeping I am smiling with amazements because I want to be his forever.
I am his Imperial Majesty and he is my Knight that I sometimes refer to as ‘Ramuel’.
I don’t know if I can do this with you. I don’t know if you make me feel more real than tortured; tormented by your almost.
There are times when I think, “This is fine, I can be okay with this.”; like when I’m pacing your kitchen floor, barefoot while you light a cigarette on the stove after you melted inside of me. I think that is okay. But your drunken calls at midnight where you do nothing but mumble and plead your case drive me crazy. It seems, these days, “I don’t know” is your answer to everything. I think, at your age, you should have a little more to say. I think, at your age, you should be able to give me something other than almost; something other than two cold hands reaching blindly in the dark for a body that is not wholly there.
there is a women in China holding a black umbrella so she
won’t taste the salt of the rain when the sky begins to weep,
there is a 17 year old girl who smells like pomegranates and has summer air tight on her naked skin, wrapping around her scars
like veins in a bloody garden, who won’t make it past tomorrow,
there is a young man, who buys yellow flowers for the woman
in apartment 84B, who learned braille when he realized she
couldn’t read his poetry about her white neck and mint eyes
there are people watching films,
making love for the first time, opening mail with the
heading of ‘i miss you’, cooking noodles with
organic spices and red sauces, buying lemon detergent,
ignoring ‘do not smoke’ signs, painting murals
of his lips in abandoned warehouses, chewing
the words ‘i love you’ over and over again, swallowing
phone numbers and forgotten birthdays, eating
strawberry pies, drinking white wine off of each
others open mouths, ignoring the telephone,
reading this poem
someone is thinking
someone finally understands
they never really
— poems from my uncles graves (via irynka
why do boys say something they don't mean and think its so cool and at the end of the day he breaks her heart and he knew how much she loved him?
Boys are strange in the way that they will invalidate their own feelings in order to appear “masculine”. It’s like, so many guys will attempt to save face by denying their emotions even to the point of lying to everyone around them (some of them will even invalidate YOUR feelings in order to sleep with their decisions at night). Some boys grow out of it, others let it become them. Try to avoid those kinds of boys. They won’t stop hurting you until they finally know what it means to be a man.
I received this little booklet when I ordered Adam Gnade’s “Darkness to the West” novella a few years back. I’ve recently decided that my quality of life will improve drastically if I have this on me at all times.
Warning: If You Try to Create Something “Different” by Adam Gnade
1) You will feel so alone sometimes it will be harrowing. You will be broke while your friends with steady (safe) jobs eat well and go to the movies and buy nice clothes and take vacations. (You won’t get vacation time but you’ll travel more than anyone you know. Sometimes you’ll be on the road so much you won’t remember the way home. Don’t be afraid to ask for directions.)
2) You’ll make money in vast, jerking convulsions and then you won’t see any for a long time. You’ll be hungry. You’ll get angry. You’ll get goddamn furious. You’ll want to pack it in. You’ll rethink everything and decide to “quit” or “drop out of society” or “disappear forever.” And you’ll do this at least once a day. But you’ll stick around because some part of you has always believed.
3) Your heart will break and your mind will change inwardly and you will grow inside in tangles and curving passageways while the rest go dry and wither and blow away. You will learn every day.
4) You will sleep well and you will hold your head high. You’ll see what the rest do and you’ll know you are on the edge of something tall and dark and strange.
5) You will never be bored. You will never be, like, “Uh, I dunno, what do you wanna do?”
6) You will have things you’ve made and holding these things in your hand will make your heart swell.
7) You will be free.
1. Go outside on a rainy day and try to count the number of raindrops that hit your face and think really hard about how water seems endless and how you may never be dry again.
2. Trace your birthmark with a black sharpie so that it looks like a cartoon. Study the parts of your body you hate….